Change.
It’s hard for anyone to accept change – in any shape or form.
Good or bad.
Change in relationship status.
Change in career.
Change in living arrangements.
Change in appearance.
Change in personality.
That last one is a tough one. It’s where I’m sitting currently and is something my husband woke me up to today on our run while I vented about Kick and the piece I’m still struggling with: letting go, stepping outside of “me” and embodying the Kick instructor that I’m meant to be, that I need to be in order to not only pass the looming BTS video assessment/certification but to be a full-fledged instructor at my gym.
A snippet from our convo during this afternoon’s run (which was amazing btw, a little over 5 miles in gorgeous quasi-spring new england temps):
Me: I don’t know how to let go.
Scott: Just stop thinking.
Me: I don’t know how to stop thinking, I can’t do it.
Scott: You need to let go, and letting go means not thinking.
Me: But how do I do that??
Scott: You have to change who you are, stop letting Type-A take over and just go.
Me: (insert frustrated grumbling here)
Scott: You always come to class prepared, you know the routine, you know the moves. You have that going for you. You need to push that aside, because you got it, stop thinking about it, and just motivate and have fun.
Me: It’s so easy for me to just revert to status quo, and for me, that means not stepping outside the “safe” box and being someone I’m afraid to be, because I don’t know how to be someone else. “Kimmie” said I don’t need to change who I am, just be a slightly enhanced version of myself. But how?
Scott: Right. That’s it. You have to be uncomfortable until you can embrace that change in who you are, it’s in there, just let it out. Let yourself be great.
Wow. This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I was so frustrated after Kick practice today because I know that the one piece that will fail me is the cueing/motivating. I am struggling with it badly. But why? Why am I struggling to, of all things, motivate? THIS is why I took the leap with Kick – to motivate others to live a healthy, balanced, LIVELY life.
So, if I can keep that in mind, that I am fulfilling a dream, something not many people get the opportunity to do in life, then I should be the most enthusiastic, excited and awesome instructor there is, right?
In theory, yes. In reality, my former shy self is holding me back. It’s like this little mini-me on my shoulder whispering in my ear, “it’s ok, just get through it” versus the motivated and inspirational mini-me I NEED screaming in my ear “DO THIS, YELL, GET EXCITED!!”
I’ve got to squash that shy mini-me, it’s not who I am. I’m better than that. Much better, in fact. Until I can squash her for good, I’m going to have to do what Scott said, fake it, act, step outside of “me” until the new and improved “me” emerges for real and it no longer feels unnatural. I need to let myself be great. Has a nice ring to it, no?
The real test is looming – Thursday is the next class I’ll be teaching and I’ll be damned, shy-me better stay in bed that morning, or else!
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