Boom Boom Fitness

Derack De La Paz

Boom Boom Fitness.

A short sketch by Phillip Kopczynski

 

Politely declined by my friends at Barats and Bereta since they may have their own similiar idea. So this is up for grabs.

Derack “Boom Boom” De La Paz: An unqualified fitness instructor with unlimited confidence.

Rachel: A gorgeous 20 -something workout video model

Bryant: A 20-something workout video model

 

S1:  A plain fitness room with some dumbbells and fitness balls in the back. Techno workout music is playing.

 

Derack: Hey What’s Up People? This is Derack De La Paz with  BOOM BOOM FITNESSSSS!  (begins marching in place) I hope you’re standing, I hope you’re ready to move, I hope you’re ready to start getting into the best BOOM shape of your life! BOOM BOOM! I know I am (marches in place for a bit, loosening shoulders and neck) Okay! BOOM BOOM! Are my helpers ready?

 

Rachel and Bryant run out into place behind Derack forming a workout triangle. They march in place. Rachel wears a tank top and shorts that fit comfortably but not loose, Bryant wears the same but it seems too small.

 

Rachel: Boom Boom Derick

 

Bryant: BOOM BOOM Derack!

 

Derack: Bryant I LOVE that enthusiasm! (Speaks to the beat of the music) Okay we’re in our march, we got our bounce steps. And here we go,here we go – Follow me, follow me  – in one – in two – follow me on four – in three – and here we go- in four. Two steps to the right – BOOM BOOM! Two steps to the left BOOM BOOM! Two steps to the right BOOM BOOM! Two steps to the left BOOM BOOM! (continues movement) How you doing back there Bryant?

 

Bryant: BOOM BOOM Derack!

 

Derack: (mildly psychotic) YESSSS! Rachel? Do you like the burn?

 

Rachel: Boom Boom Derick.

 

Derack: (fairly psychotic) Work on it Rachel! BOOM BOOM! (starts marching again) Now come on we’re going to plant our feet into a wide squat stance. One at a time, first the left BOOM then the right BOOM– make sure to get that stance nice and wide. Now we’re going to reach down, down, down, now we’re going to reach up, up, up – Really extend those legs! Now reach down, down, down, again and up, up, up. Okay three quick ones. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Good! Now slow again. Here we go, down, down, down. Let’s see how the kids in the back are doin.

 

Derack breaks formation to walk back and point out his assistants’ performances. Rachel and Bryant keep doing the squat exercise.

 

Derack: Alright look at Bryant here. He’s been with  BOOM BOOM fitness for eight weeks and is getting some major results.

 

Bryant: Never felt better Derack! BOOM BOOM!

 

Derack: Yeah! That’s my boy! Now look at the definition of those thigh muscles. You can’t get that without work people! And this stomach BOOM rock hard! Lookin’ Good Bryant!

 

Bryant: Thanks Derack!

 

Bryant is still doing the squat exercise. Derack is very close to him, they lock eyes deeply. Both are panting from the exercise and so close their noses are almost touching.

 

Bryant and Derack: (whispering) Boom Boom.

 

Derack: Now let’s look at Rachel. Rachel is new to BOOM BOOM Fitness and she has A LOT of work to do. Her body is a wasteland for carbs and saturated fats. Hardly any definition and absolutely no bang to her BOOM BOOM. But we’re gonna get her in shape in just six weeks.  Isn’t that right Rachel?

 

Rachel: Umm…yeah

 

Derack: Rachel I don’t understand what you’re saying Rachel!

 

Rachel: Boom Boom Derack!

 

Derack: There we go! Okay guys shake it out, shake it out. Now this is it for today but tune in everyday and join the BOOM BOOM Revolution.

 

Cut to black with words, “Six weeks later.”

 

S2.  Same fitness room and only Derack

 

Derack: Yeah! Welcome to a special edition of BOOM BOOM FITNEEEEESSSE! It’s our results show where we look back at all our hard work . First let’s bring out Bryant! Yeah BOOM BOOM!

 

Bryant comes running out and strikes a pose

 

Derack: Look at these results!

 

Bryant: I can’t STOP lookin’ Derack.

 

Derack: HHHHA! This is a perfect example of how the BOOM BOOM program continues to produce results. Bryant show them your bicep. BOOM! Now the other one – BOOM! That. Is. Outstanding!

 

Bryant: Boom Boom Derack.

 

Derack: Boom Boom Bryant.

 

Derack: Now, we’ve got a special treat. With only six weeks under her belt with the BOOM BOOM program, Wratchel has had some of the quickest results I’ve ever seen.

 

Derack and Bryant begin clapping proudly.

SPECIAL EFFECTS NOTE: Rachel comes out no longer being played by the same actress, but by the actor playing Bryant. “Rachel” is wearing the same clothing, but now it is just a bit too tight

 

Rachel: BOOM BOOM Derack!

 

Derack: BOOM BOOM Wratchel. YEAH! What you say we just get started?

 

Rachel and Bryant: BOOM BOOM Derack!

 

Derack: Just like yesterday people, lets begin with some arm reaches annnnnd to the left  BOOM BOOM To the right BOOM BOOM to the left BOOM BOOM to the right BOOM BOOM. Now you at home keep sending in those result photos and remember everyone…

 

For the first time in the sketch the background techno music stops but “Rachel” and Bryant continue working out as if it is still playing.

 

Close up on Derack.

 

Derack: (absolutely psychotic) Boom Boom.