Self Improvement Tips: Getting Worse in a Burst Before You Stay Better

Self Improvement Tips: Getting Worse in a Burst Before You Stay Better

Self help motivation is elusive.

How do you maintain positive thinking when you backslide and overcome a momentary lapse and get back on track to continue on your personal development program?

Understand the Extinction Burst

Extinction bursts are one of those pesky little things that confuse people in the process of self improvement. Let’s say you make progress on a workout routine for a while. Then have a bump, you miss a workout and have a burst of bad behavior – you eat McDonald’s or somewhere with food filled with fat, sugar and empty calories. Is this a burst of bad behavior or backsliding and the evaporation of a trend toward personal growth? All is not necessarily lost.

Perspective

First you must better understand to get perspective. Realize that this is self-help I am discussing. If I am coaching you or counseling you this can be a part of this process, but with self-help you are on your own to discover this.

Let me give you an example.

I have committed myself to changing my behavior. Zarvos Coaching based in Carmel, Indiana or Indianapolis, Indiana (where I am based too) uses a levels view of commitment that I really like – 5 levels of commitment.

Jim Zarvos articulates 5 levels of commitment. I will not use all of Jim Zarvos’ distinctions but I will borrow the last two. The highest level of commitment is “I will do whatever it takes” to get it done. The 4th level of commitment is “I will do anything, but…” The ‘but’ could include any inconvenient or overtaxing aspect of change, like it takes too long or it requires a lot of work, or it means I have to change my work schedule, etc. Essentially it is whatever excuse you might have to keep you from making the change. You get the idea.

So, we first have to establish that you are at what Zarvos would call a level 5 commitment. I like that idea. It captures your intention. You will do whatever it takes to change. It captures my intention.

So, let’s assume that I am at a level 5 commitment and I am. I am at a level 5 commitment with many things, but let me focus on three: doing my “3 most important things” each day in my business, doing my P90X work out (I am a Beachbody Coach – www.beachbodycoach.com/drshinaver) and doing Cogmed. Now these three sets of tasks are quite difficult to get done in one day. Mostly due to time limits. So I must have a level 5 commitment to each.

So, without making this post about my level of commitment to each of these areas let’s stick with the assumption that I will do ‘whatever it takes’ to get it done in all of these three areas of my personal development program.

Ok, so here I am trucking along making progress in all of these areas of self improvement. In fact, I have had progress in all three areas for several weeks and even months then one day recently – yesterday (by the way it was 4 days before going on vacation) I have massive backsliding.

I don’t get my ‘three most important things done’. (I get one done.)

I don’t work-out. (I did do 25 pull ups.)

I only partially get Cogmed done (half).

How do I interpret that? First of all, I don’t interpret it in a way that creates an attack on my self confidence or my commitment to my self-improvement. No need to do that. It will sap my motivation for self development. Self-help motivation is hard to come by, no need to poke any holes and drain the fuel.

This interpretation affects whether my view of myself is that I am making progress and that this is a ‘slight regression’ and/or a burst of bad behavior or am I lost and now off track?

Here was my direct experience:

So yesterday, I made the questionable call to put ‘getting up to date on email’ on my list of my ‘3 most important things’.

I found this totally disorganizing. The crazy thing was as I got up to date, printed, filed, acted on email and responded to peoples’ emails. They had the gall to respond back. It was as if we were in this stop and go dialogue, much of the day. Boy that is disorganizing, but it did feel more ‘live’ and ‘dynamic’. But I can also see why some people have that overwhelmed look on their faces, they seem a little sweaty and agitated, their eyes have a glazy quality to them. They have been trying to stay up to date on email! Not a good choice for a ‘most important thing’. This could be the new definition of insanity.

Then there was the fact that my ‘honey do’ list and my ‘get ready to go on vacation’ lists dominated my time. My wife had been pretty good about not piling on with the ‘honey do’ list for quite a while. I do not recall that I have ever started on the ‘get ready for vacation’ list with 4 days before vacation. So this is progress for me. My wife works several weeks to at least a week in advance.

I didn’t realize that by starting with being up to date on email as one of my ‘3 most important things’ it was disorganizing because it is alive it is near impossible to get ‘done’. People keep responding. So, being ‘up to date’ ‘done with that task’ has to be further refined.

I also didn’t expect the ‘honey do’ list to grow within the day (it hadn’t for some time), but it is 4 days before vacation and my wife tends to send more my way then as she has more to do too.

I also had more on my biz ‘before I leave on vacation list’.

One level I didn’t realize that being better organized involves working on this preparation to go on vacation 4 days before we leave!! Yes that seems like a long time to me – it used to be I would do all this 1 day before we left. So, there is definitely progress.

However the other two things on my list didn’t get done.

Then there was the unexpected change for the week: our two boys got the opportunity to practice at the Colts facility. This took up probably an extra hour and a half. So, my normal workout time in the evening disappeared.

Also I found it incredibly difficult to focus when I was doing Cogmed. I didn’t finish it for that day. The ‘email disorder’ I had developed of responding to responses and responding to responses threw me and the ‘honey do’ list and the ‘prepare for vacation’ lists (forgot to mention the ‘gather junk/facts for financial planner list’ I had worked on the day before post meeting and had lingering undone pieces of business.) Needless to say, I was in a whirlwind.

So, when I get on a ‘get the little things done rampage’ the big things – the most important things’ don’t get done. Yes, I must admit I added some caffeine with a Coke in there and the combination was disruptive. So I clearly learned that ‘getting up to date on email’ clearly, should not be among my three most important things to do in one day. I will have to refine the goal there.

Now, I do think this was in part an ‘extinction burst’. During that day I actually got to a point when I just took a longer break than usual – like an hour. I was rebelling against myself, (I am my own boss there is no one else to blame), and my own ‘email disorder’. In the larger picture of my ongoing increasing order and much more consistent focus and follow through on my ‘most important things’ this is progress. It was a blip. Several factors came together in a ‘perfect storm’ of sorts. By the way, considering such variables as these is important in being fair to evaluating yourself. Yet, my measuring stick is “do what it takes.” That stays as is. On that level I simply didn’t get it done. No sugar coating it. You get it done or you don’t. If you don’t learn from it, understand why, allow that to help you to ‘get it done’ next time.

Today I am, getting it done. I am doing one of my ‘three most important things’ right now.

Also, I am getting ready for vacation much earlier. I am following up our financial planning meeting with getting my ‘house’ in order in such a way to keep it in order. So, all in all I am on track.

I had a little ‘extinction burst’ mixed with preparation for vacation, follow up from a planning meeting snafu, a super-charged ‘honey-do’ list and I was under misguided notion that being up to date on email should be on my list of ‘most important things.’

I am well on my way to greater order, being in better shape and having a more robust working memory I just had an ‘extinction burst’ yesterday. Back to the road of personal growth and keeping my ‘self help motivation’ up and working just fine!

Charles Shinaver, Ph.D.